jomblo halu

 21.44

05 Juni 2022

sebenernya gk ada alasan khusus sih nulis ini, cuma mau bahas soal percintaan dari jomblo 2 tahun ini. you can say that sometime I desperate for having someone on my side, sometime I enjoying myself for being alone. I can't say I'm a perfect girlfriend but I wish to be a better person for the next person on my relationship. ada lah beberapa impian gw terhadap my next person tapi ya gw terbuka untuk semua orang.

mungkin gw jadi kepikiran gini ada kaitannya dengan besok yang gw udh ultah ke 21. gw gk merasa terlalu exited dengan ultah ini karena malah banyak tugas wkwkwk ada dua tugas deadlinenya besok dan gw masih belom kerjain karena males banget. gw yang selama 21 tahun hidup mungkin bisa di hitung jari berapa kali ultah gw dirayain. I'm still grateful for every birthday wishes I get but never something big. gw udh 3 kali patungan kue dan bikin surprise untuk orang lain, tapi gw sendiri gk pernah dikasih surprise. dulu pas masih sama eka gw sering berharap dia bakal kasih gw surprise langsung ke rumah, like dia kan punya nomor emak gw kalo dia mau effort kan bisa ya bikin surprise gitu, tapi begitulah. jadi ya mungkin for next person please give me a birthday surprise and tell me he grateful that I being born on this world ahahahah ketinggian banget halunya.

omong-omong next person, gw rasa dia gk akan datang dalam waktu dekat ini karena rasanya semesta merasa gw masih sanggup sendiri dan masih banyak yang harus dibenahi jadi semesta belom mengirimkan dia untuk ketemu gw. ciaaa pemikirannya puitis banget wkwkwk. sebenernya gw takut sih semakin lama dia ketemu gw, gw udh berada terlalu tinggi diatas awan dengan standard cowok yang tinggi. ok gw harus berpegang teguh untuk bisa terima dia apa adanya dan menghilangkan kebiasaan gw halu sendiri.

I honestly idk apakah gw menjadi jomblo yang lebih baik sekarang ini atau sama aja dengan masa smp-sma dulu wkwk mungkin lebih buruk sedikit dengan sekarang kebiasaan gw baca fanfic sebelum tidur mesti dilaksanakan karena ngerasa aneh aja kalo gk main hp lama sebelum tidur. astaga gw gk bisa nge kost satu kamar sama orang lain karena gw horny mulu. semua kebebasan gw akan terampas, dengan tanpa kamar aja sekarang gw udh kedinginan mulu main laptop dengan pintu.

mungkin gw tulis beberapa fantasi gw terhadap romansa, just to get this out of  my system (or maybe this make some of manifested shit)

1. As said above, I like getting birthday surprises or maybe we just celebrate each other's birthdays. to show that they are grateful for them being born in this world.

2. as someone who have quality time love language, we can spent whole day together, watching movie, going on new place (makin kesini gw makin suka bepergian dengan transportasi umum jakarta), walking while talk, night driving, going to bookstore etc

3. love cooking or love watching me cooking or just simply love my cooking. Cooking is a basic skill everyone should have so I'm expecting him to have basic cooking skills or have some intention to learn. I mean I'm not a great cook but I can satisfy my own needs. and it's great quality time activities, cooking and do grocery shopping. 

4. love cats or can tolerate any kind of animal. don't you like the idea of adopting a cat together with your partner? some kind of practice before having a real child.

5. I should write this in number 1 because this is kinda important, he loves or can listen to me ranting and telling him about my celebrity crush without him being judgemental about it. I'm tired of having no one to talk to about something that I'm hyped about. the old guy didn't ever respect my feelings and straight up telling bad things about what I like. so if you can be nice, listening about what I like and being open with any of my crush, then you are worthy, here take the mjolnir to prove it.

6. not really in my mind but he must be nice to my family and strangers. no no to anger issues and being disrespectful to other people. that should be a minimal standard is it?

7. having the same hobbies can be a good start. I'm interested in a range of pop culture and anime. I would like to learn something new from him too. I'm open to any games, movies, tv shows. damn that's a good idea for quality time, learning each other's hobbies, he can show me the game, movie/tv show, activities to me and I can do it too.

8. I almost forgot, I never tried this and I was excited to try it. make a spotify playlist together. I can't say I have a 'good' music taste but I would like to know what music he likes, maybe he is interested in listening to gotye or owl city. 

9. oh yeah another important thing, he should be more brave than me for social interaction. I can't be with someone who is as shy or afraid as me, it only makes the two of us some lost child without their parents. at least he can be brave enough to be my shield in any social interaction.

10. maybe someone who has physical touch love language too. I have never cuddled before but I'm desperate to have it, bury my face on his chest, feeling safe and comfortable in his hands. I have never held hands with a man in public before but I'm wondering how it feels. I love running my finger on his hair or maybe he likes running his finger on my hair too. 

I guess I should stop at ten, and ten is not much is it? It can't be that hard to have someone who qualified on this. maybe I could just change or adjust this ten fantasy, to make up for the real world conditions. lowkey manifesting this happening to me irl hahaha.

ok cukup kali ya segitu aja, gw udh nulis ini selama sejam. in a few hours I will be officially 21 years old, wo-hoo another long journey to live.